Reverends of McCain and Obama in Preach-Off

Las Vegas, Nevada (GTN)- In a battle reminiscent of 'The Thrilla in Manila', Reverends John Hagee and Jeremiah Wright went head-to-head Thursday night in the first ever 'Presidential Preach-Off' at Circus Circus in Las Vegas.

Rev Hagee (in the red boxers with white swastikas)-5'-7 1/2" and weighing in at 295 lbs., represented the presumptive Republican Presidential candidate John McCain. Rev Wright (in the black boxers with Bin Laden heads)-6'-2" and weighing 208lbs., threw down the word for Democratic Presidential hopeful Barak Obama.

"Pound for pound, Rev Hagee is as ignorant as any preacher in the ring today, but Jeremiah is eager to show the nation he still has what it takes to ruin Obama's bid for the White House," said broadcaster Jim Lampley, seated ringside prior to the bout.

"'Hags' has been training in the gym at the Democratic National Headquarters for 3 months, and he will come out preachin'," said Rev Hagee's trainer Nancy Pelosi.

"America's chickens are coming home to roost again," exclaimed Rev. Wright-as trainer Rush Limbaugh prepared the spit bucket.

Hagee was floored by a big combination from Wright in the second round, when the combatant blamed whites for supporting state terrorism and inventing the Aids virus, but the wiley Hagee picked himself off the canvas and responded with a devastating left hook to the preacher's jaw with an 8 lb. King James Version Life Application Study Bible.

"I'm delighted," Pelosi said. "We had been working on that left hook in training and it just connected perfectly.

"The challenger Hagee continued to pour on the pressure in the final round-testifying that Adolf Hitler had acted as an agent of God to cause the Holocaust to send more Jews to the Holy Land before Wright was spared further punishment by the referee.

Much to the dismay of both parties, the Preach-Off ended in a draw. "This thing is far from over!" Hillary Clinton said.

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Hillary Goes Obamacidal

EUGENE, Ore. (GTN)-Hillary has finally lost it. No, it's not the Democratic Primary, but her mind.

Sen. Hillary Clinton emerged from the crowd in which Sen. Barak Obama was giving a campaign speech in Oregon Saturday wielding a knife-a very large Butcher's knife-assuring Sen. Barak Obama that this race is far from over.

"The bitch has lost her freakin' mind," Obama said after the freakish incident.

Obama has built a solid lead in Democratic National Convention delegates over Clinton, and is working overtime to cast an image of inevitability to his campaign for the nomination. In recent days, he has spent more time focused on his differences with certain Republican nominee John McCain than sparring with Clinton, which may have prompted her bizarre behavior.

Obama, apparently unfazed said, "She went on and on about West Virginia. I couldn't understand her. Who the hell cares about West Virginia?"



Senator John Kerry, who was backstage after the fracas-and openly wept for his beloved Democratic Party said, "Hillary has been a fighter who has overcome adversity again and again with courage, grit, and determination...but she's nuttier than my wife."



After recovering from multiple tranquilizer darts fired into her neck by Obama's security detail, Hillary mumbled, "Is it over? Did I win the nomination? Did they count Florida? The last thing I remember, I was pinned down by sniper fire and.."

She was then redarted.

"She doesn't scare me. She is going to keep calling me the same names, making the same cheap shots, using the same fear tactics she's used for the last four months. I had crazier bitches tryin' to crash me when I was doin' blow," said Obama.

Obama then grabbed the dart gun from his security and quickly dosed himself. "Aah, that's wat's up," Obama said as he was whisked away.





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