Time to Ditch the Doctor? Try Google instead.

Internet users are finding a much better way of diagnosing their illnesses than the painfully slow method of doctors, referrals, medical exams and an expert diagnosis. Just Google it.

Typing in your symptoms in a Google search window and finding out what ails you has become so popular among the infirmed, the popular search engine has now added a new category of search – Google Diseases.

Doctors are finding their patients are coming into their offices already sure of the particular disease that they are afflicted with, and the course of treatment that is recommended. "We are slowly but surely being put out of a job," said Dr. Yerma Weinstein of the Gutstein Institute in Junta, California. "This has already cost me a few thousand dollars in referral business."

We put the new Google Diseases search engine to the test. Thankfully, that particular day I was suffering from anal itching, so I Googled it.

In less than a second, this is what I discovered.

Anal itching is a common but annoying problem. Anal itching occurs more often in men, and, most of the time, no cause can be identified. Anal itching occurs around and near the anus, which is the opening for the bowels.

The diagnosis was spot-on.

1. It is very annoying.

2. I am a man.

3. I can't figure out where it came from.

4. It is occurring around and near my anus.

What an exciting time we live in! Let's take a look at the remedies I was offered, and their effectiveness.

--Change to a plain, soft, unscented toilet paper.

-- If toilet paper feels too abrasive, try cleaning with baby wipes or cotton moistened with mineral oil. Dry with cotton afterward to remove any moisture.

-- Wear loose-fitting cotton underwear that allow sweat to evaporate. Do not wear panty hose.

--Do not apply any creams or ointment without consulting a doctor.

--Avoid food irritants and eat a high-fiber diet.


I immediately went shopping and picked up the few suggested items.

Some soft, unscented toilet paper. It was on sale. Cost -- 59 cents

Baby wipes. I don't know how I've lived without these. Cost -- $2.69

Loose fitting cotton underwear, size 42, that allows my sweat to evaporate. I splurged here. Cost $6.99

Bran muffins -- $1.99

Loss of two pairs of panty hose -- $7.23

Cessation of my anal itching -- PRICELESS

I called my Doctor's office immediately to cancel my appointment, saving hundreds of dollars billed to my medical insurance.

I think I'm going to be using Google Diseases from now on!

Now I'm off to Google some other body part which I will not mention here.