Americans Having Fits With Wii Fit

Thanks to the Nintendo Wii video game system and their popular new Wii Fit video game, Americans of all shapes and sizes are quickly shedding the pounds.



"I was so fat last week, I was E-mailing the FCC asking when they were coming out with High Definition T.V. dinners," said Barbara Lemp of Lickskillet Ohio, who has lost 32lbs. this past week. "Thank you Wii Fit!"



Barbara is not alone. Thousands around the country are dropping pounds like Presidential candidates are dropping Reverends. The problem is, it's not because of the Wii Fit game and it's cute collection of mini-games or it's ground-breaking wireless balance board that you stand on. It's because they are running around town in an attempt to find the game.



"The little bastard at Wal-Mart informed me he just got in a shipment, so I ran as fast as I could to the store, only to find them sold out when I got there," said Brighton Early of New Hope, Pa. "Same thing at Best Buy, Toys-R-Us, and Sears." He then pulled up his pant leg and proudly added, "Check out my new calf muscles!"



Penny Dollar, a woman that only 2 weeks ago weighed 132 lbs. and was so excited to be the first woman to claim the Blog name 'Wii Fit Woman', now looks hauntingly like the late Karen Carpenter, and has vowed not to eat until someone gets her a Wii Fit. She then lifted her shirt. "Here, count my ribs," she boasted.



GT News caught up with Michael Nutter, who was weight-training in advance of Game Crazy's next shipment of the elusive game. "Thursday I had my hands on the last one at Target-but was wrestled to the ground by some fanatical Yoga instructor from the valley," he said as he paused between power-squats. "She twisted me up like a pretzel...I guarantee you that's not going to happen to me on Tuesday morning," he vowed.



Izuma Witgamo was one of the lucky ones who got his hands on one of the coveted Wii Fit games. Izuma, a Jujitsu expert and computer programmer from Fresno, Ca., used a highly secretive move to constrict blood flow to his opposing shopper's brain, rendering her unconscious. "I dropped her like a bad habit," he confessed. "I then outran twelve angry customers the two miles to my condo."



We asked Izuma which Wii Fit exercise he likes best. He replied,"Oh no, I sold that puppy on Ebay for $268 dollars."

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