MoD Realeases British UFO Files

Top-secret UFO files have been released to the public by the British Ministry of Defense in response to the nation's continuing freedom of information requests and Brits fascination with the UFO subject. The files, 160 in total, will take three years to be released.

The MoD has received reports of over 10,000 UFO sightings since the UFO project was set up in 1950.

One celebrated event- as reported by Mary Malouf Teabaggy of 4 Twatt, Orkney describes her 2 year relationship with an alien from Zeta Reticuli- a wide-binary system located around 39.4 light-years from Earth.

"I was just putting on the kettle for tea when out the window I saw this strange looking chap smelling my Madam "Poppy" Pomfreys in the the garden." said Mary

"Well, as anyone on Twat knows, nobody messes with my Madam "Poppy" Pomfreys!"

"I was cheesed off as you can imagine, so I come running out into the garden and tripped on the stoop-going arse over elbow into the Moaning Myrtles, knocking myself unconience ."

"When I awoke, I was on the kitchen floor and the bloody thing was hovering over me-healing my broken hip." she exclaimed.

"I thought I'd gone barmy! I had no choice but to offer the stranger tea and crumpets-with orange marmalade, and Bob's your uncle!"

"Boy that alien thought orange marmalade was the dog's bollocks! I couldn't keep enough of it in. It made him blow off like you can't imagine," she said.

"He stayed with me for two years," she said. Then in reflection added,"Do you know the little guy didn't have any front bits?" "So of course there was no rumpy pumpy... My pussy didn't like him at all. She'd hiss and scat behind the settee every time she saw him." she said.

"Eventually, his health went to shambles and his teeth started to fall out and he died-so I just buried him in the garden, next to the Madam "Poppy" Pomfreys of course." she said.

When the MoD made the announcement to go public with the reports, she dug up the remains- showing for the first time the skull of her other-worldly companion.

I wish this was posted on Humor-Blogs.com