Dalai Lama vs. Arnold Schwarzenegger...You Decide

The Dalai Lama was in Long Beach on Tuesday to address a conference of women presided over by California's first lady Maria Shriver. He also met privately with Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger for a secret battle on an undisclosed beach to decide a long running feud the two have had via E-mail.

"Arnold has been secretly training for this match for quite some time now," said a spokesperson close to the brawler.

When GT News asked the other combatant, his Holiness, what, if any, training he had done for this historic clash he paused, prior to his reply: "In one sense, we can say that other sentient beings are really the principal source of all our experiences of joy, happiness, and prosperity, and not only in terms of our day-to-day dealings with people. We can see that all the desirable experiences that we cherish or aspire to attain are dependent upon cooperation and interaction with other sentient beings", he said. When asked to simplify for our readers' benefit he said,"I'm gonna kick his ass."

In the GT office pool, wagerers are divided. "I don't see how he can lose. Arnold is pretty buff," said Sally, office manager. "Yeah, but the Dalai Lama can reincarnate after being killed," remarked Hsu, our graphic designer, "and can keep coming back for more."

The Dalai Lama has distilled his personal belief system to a simple phrase: "I kill with kindness," to which Arnold replied, "You're such a girly-man, you are going to wish you never came to cal-e-fornia!"

Throughout the interview, the Dalai Lama advocated a compassion "that is not based on the positive attitude of others toward you, but rather on the conviction that others are human beings and thus have every right to compassionate treatment, even if they are steroid-mutated politicians."

The Governor was physically knocked back by the verbal jab, but quickly recovered. "That's it Dah-lee LLama! Right here! Right now!" Arnold finally backed off when Maria threatened to punish him when they got home.

So, will we ever know who will prevail in this unprecedented battle? Who do our readers think will be victorious? Stay tuned to GT for more. D.